This is something I believe I should have shared, but forgot to do so.

An old burden returned to weigh heavily upon me this past week. I began to reflect once more upon all that I have been given, and how much I have made out of it. Academically, numerous opportunities have come my way - representing the college in olympiads, various seminars, intitiating various projects, undergoing national olympiad training - and I have achieved so little with them when I could have attained that much more. It hurts all the more because I know that I have been given the abilities to achieve far greater things - but I haven't.

I reached the apex of my sadness on thursday, during a physics test. Logically, I was prepared - more than prepared! I knew the concepts at the back of my hand. They were elementary. I practised to ensure that I could indeed solve the challenging problems, and practised also to check my speed against the clock. My classmates sought for my help for various issues with understanding or with problem solving. I did my best to serve, and wasn't found wanting.

But somehow, everything disintegrated when I did the paper. I knew my concepts, I knew how to solve problems. But nothing happened. All the exam techniques/strategies so natural to us all just vanished right there. My time management went awry. My mind was clear but there was no standard of excellence in my solutions. I finished the paper despairing. (Or rather, I didn't finish.)

I realised later that for the first time in a long long while, I had held on completely to my abilities, and not God's grace. But that didn't liberate me from my sadness. I felt terrible.

Praise God for my friends in school. One of my classmates talked it through with me at night. I know she prayed for me, and indeed, God was working through her for me. I surrendered everything to God that night - all my pain, my agony, my past frustrations, I gave it all up. And God delivers! I instantly felt a whole lot lighter, and freer. Instantly. No long wait. Just straightaway after I said amen. Everything just went whoosh, and I felt good!

We all need to surrender everything to Him. Completely. No holding back. When we are free, we are free indeed! His promises are real and not diluted. Are we living lives of freedom, of expectation? Rev Miguel said that we can come to the Lord expecting great things because He delivers! Amen! We can live lives abounding in grace if we just give everything up to Him!

Indeed, whatever struggles you have today, regardless of how difficult they may seem, just surrender it all. Absolute surrender. God loves us. And He delivers.